Noah to me: “That makes sense. You do look like a boy cat-dog with a splash of alien.”
My sister Maeve: “But I was so good! I didn’t violate you at all last night!”
Nine-Year-Old Me is a new series of posts I’ll be doing somewhat randomly. Check out the Running Posts page for more info.
“Eloise the electric eel moonlights. She turns herself into neon signs. Just the other day I saw her neon signs. ‘How are you doing.’ I had gotten to know her sign so I was not afraid of her. She flopped down onto the ocean floor. ‘You know it is hard being the smallest eel in electra school, it gets tiring.’ Eloise is a really small eel. She is about 2 feel long and that is why she protects herself by making neon signs. As for me I don’t do that I am a 4 foot eel and I’m proud of that. ‘Eloise we have homework are homework is to bite a scooba divers hand off.’ ‘I hate homework. I can’t find any scooba divers anywhere.’ Eloise is always behind in school especialy this one because our homework is hard. So I decided to help her. We went roaming around town. Then I spotted one. We started following it and came up behind it and… Chomp.. Chomp.. We heard a scowl of pain as we swam away. We had finished are homework. Mission acomplished.”
Since the midterm election is coming up, I thought I’d post something topical. Sooo here goes!
There is a fundamental truth of any “democracy”: With every election comes terrible smear campaign commercials. I’ve recently come to the realization that this happens not only in the states, but worldwide. (That’s right! All of humanity sinks to personal attacks and ominous music to win votes come election time.) Actually, my favorite example from this year’s slew of smearing commercials is from Canada:
Anyway, seeing a bunch of this type of commercial got me thinking about malignity and how easy it would be to defame just about anyone. My idea was that in today’s digital age, almost everyone has a photo or video out there that, taken out of context, could look pretty bad. And if one is not opposed to bending the truth (or lying!) to injure someone’s reputation, even better!
But I was not content just thinking! I had to test my theory. So I decided to try and defame the sweetest person I know: my mom. If you don’t know this woman, she is a Presbyterian minister who has devoted her life to serving God and her fellow man… So she totally had it coming!
Without lying at all, here’s what I came up with:
No matter that when she said, “play hard” my mom was talking about tennis. Nor that in the photo she is drinking Martinelli’s sparkling apple cider. No, based solely on this image, you get that my mother is a drunkard party minister. Success! I am now ready to manage a political campaign!
So let me ask you, dear readers, do you believe what election-time commercials tell you? Are you still swayed by smear campaign ads? If so, maybe civic duty shouldn’t be your thing…
Dear People I Know,
Say funny things to me more so that Noah doesn’t get every quote of the day.
Anyway, here’s the quote!
Noah: “I’m watching a Kayak.com commercial. I’m pretty sure it’s offensive.”
Noah: “You see,
If you don’t use Kayak.com…
Your girlfriend will f*ck Dante.”
This was my brother’s reaction to this video:
Noah: “He’s a DEMOCRAT.
He wants to repeal ‘Obamacare’, is endorsed by the NRA, sued the EPA and LITERALLY SHOT THE CLIMATE CHANGE BILL WITH A GUN.
…It bears repeating.
He shot a top democratic priority with a gun!”
On the other hand, the Republican candidate supports eliminating minimum wage. As someone who works on an hourly salary, I say, “I’m glad I don’t live in West Virginia!”
I just read about a movie that sounds totally awesome and was just picked up by Lionsgate. It’s called Happytime Murders and here’s what the studio has to say about it:
‘Happytime takes place in a world where humans and puppets co-exist, with the puppets viewed as second-class citizens. When the puppet cast of an ’80s children’s TV show called ‘The Happytime Gang’ begins to get murdered one by one, a disgraced LAPD detective-turned-private eye puppet — with a drinking problem, no less — takes on the case with his former human partner. Think ‘Avenue Q’ meets ‘L.A. Confidential.’
Depending on the writing/production, sounds like Happytime could be this decade’s Who Framed Roger Rabbit. So what do you think? Interested?
Maeve: “Noah by Dirty Penny just came on shuffle. That must be my iPods way of acknowledging your birthday Wish I could spend it with you!”
Noah: “YOU MISSED AN APOSTROPHE.”
Happy Birthday, Noah!
There’s nothing else. I just love this 3 second video. Thank you for bringing it into my life, FAILBlog.
While I was working on the last post, I asked some friends what they remember about the wonderful AIM chatroom years. Here are a couple of responses:
Noah: “I remember the first time I was ASLed. I had no idea what it meant so my response was, ‘No, DSL.'”
Jess: “I would go to the chatrooms based on topic but it would always end up the same way. No one would ever talk about Pokemon like I wanted to…”