So after almost 20 years of experience of self-analysis, I’ve come to a realization. My mind likes to play tricks on me. But not in normal ways, in odd and embarrassing ones. For example: When I’m waiting for someone, I think I see them everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE.

It doesn’t matter where I am, or who I’m looking for, I’ll inevitably assume I see that person and end up walking up to a random stranger. A random stranger who in no way looks like them. It’s ridiculous.

One time I was looking for my mom in the mall. As I scanned the crowd, I was sure I had seen her. I looked again, and no, it was not my tiny redheaded mother. It was a 60 year-old Armenian man. Another time, while waiting for her in a hotel, I almost ended up waving to a giant African-American woman merely because she wore a magenta jacket that was marginally similar in color to one my mom owned (but never wore.)

However, the best (aka most embarrassing) example of this occurred while I was standing at the bus stop, and looking for my friend Alison. I should preface this by saying it was an incredibly foggy day. Not that fogginess makes this much better.

So as I was waiting for the bus, I began vainly searching for Alison, wondering is she had gotten a ride of her own to school or if she’d get here soon.

Suddenly, I saw movement from the direction of her house. A figure walking towards me.

“Alison! Hurry up, the bus is coming!”

No response. But I was sure it was her.

“Alison! Vamonos!”

She continued towards me but I quickly noticed she wasn’t getting any closer.

“That’s odd,” I thought.

So, I squinted my eyes to try to get a better look. And that is when I realized. It wasn’t Alison at all…

It was a SQUIRREL. I had confused a close friend of mine with a foot-long acorn-eating animal. Awesome.

I got a lot of crap from Alison for that one. And who can blame her? (FYI she doesn’t actually look like a squirrel.) But I can’t really help it when the neurons between my eyes and brain stage a coup against me, now can I?

So because I probably have to live with this in the future, I have, instead, decided to consider it a talent. The talent of seeing whatever it is my mind desires. Any thoughts?